Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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