this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
