I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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