Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Randomize
