Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I think my vagina is haunted
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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