just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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