I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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