Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
