You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
