Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
