i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
