I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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