she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It's blow job season.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
