why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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