the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
