theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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