it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
