She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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