Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
