help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
