Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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