I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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