Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
