i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
