wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
