no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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