guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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