Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
