WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
