happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
