can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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