I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
