it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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