I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
