i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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