So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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