last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
