I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
