i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i dont even know how to be here
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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