i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
