The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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