I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
