Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
