why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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