Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
