I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize