so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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