So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
did i walk over a car last night?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
