It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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