Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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