I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
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I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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