I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
