so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
