HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
