I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
