Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
