I'm eating all of the evidence.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
