I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
