so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
