the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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