somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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