whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
