Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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