Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
