My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
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It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
So much Jack, so little girl.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize