If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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