Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
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