I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
