so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
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Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
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I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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