i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
